The Stars Align...when you really need it. AKA Jesus Moment

For the last few months (I hate to admit) that I had felt lost.

Something had been missing and I couldn't quite put my finger on it.  I didn't know what I needed.  I didn't know what would help.  All I knew was that something wasn't sitting right.

A trip home for the holiday had been planned months in advance and I was excited.  A holiday gathering of cousins was in the making at my planning and I was excited. Some much needed time off was around the corner and I was excited.  A workshop with me at the helm was on the table and I was excited.  And yet, I still felt lost. Something was missing

My ability to blog had gone out the window.  Who cares about my hair?  I stopped checking in to my favorite Silver Sister Forum.  They are all fabulous women with stories and I had nothing.  I was lost.

A boost of some sort was clearly needed but one that couldn't be asked for.

While home for my world wind trip through the holiday over and over I hear about the infamous Jesus Moment.  My sister has had them.  My cousins have had them.  I'm sure I have had them but just didn't know what to call it.

Then, out of no where it happens.  The thing I've long since given up hearing.  The thing that only happens to my other silver sister.  Acknowledgement.  Unadulterated, un-provoked acknowdelgement.  My own Jesus Moment

A cherished cousin approaches me well into a gathering of family and is in awe of my decision to go gray.   After a big, warm hug, I am applauded for being brave, for embracing the real me.  I'm told I have a new sex appeal.  I'm told I'm more real and approachable.  And best yet, they have been waiting to meet the real me.  I've been hidden and shy for too long.  They have met the real me and they love it.

The stars and cousins align when you need them most....

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Happy Anniversary to Me

At the end of August I arrived at the anniversary date of the last time I colored my hair.

Over the last few weeks I have tried to reflect on the past year.  What I have been through.  What this experience has meant to me and how it may have changed me.  All I keep thinking is...How do we define a year?  How do we measure it?

Technically its 12 months....52 weeks....365 days.  Wasn't this a leap year?  An extra day to transition.  Another day to measure.

Here are some of the ways I've measured my Year of Going Grayt

• A mirror.  Everyday, multiple times a day a mirror.  When a women begins her transition the mirror becomes like a drug and its not about vanity.  Its about curiosity, impatience, wonder and analysis.  A year equals really getting to SEEING yourself.   
• It is possible to measure a year with a ruler.  A ruler and, in my case, a patient, loving husband willing to measure my silvering roots.  A year equals six inches of silver.
• For some, this year can be measured in savings.  Less salon visits, no store bought dye.  For some, this year is measured in bonus money for NEW SHOES and MORE NEW SHOES.
• How about measuring it in time saved?  Two plus hours every month not hiding out in the bathroom chemically destroying our hair.  A dye free year equals gaining 24 hours.  In a leap year I actually gained two days.
• Can we measure a year in shampoo?  NoPoos, Blue Shampoos, Organic, Clarifying...A year equals 4 bottles of shampoo.
• Finally, photo documentation.  One year = 169 root shots.

For me I will measure this year in the confidence I have gained by being a more natural self.  I will measure it in the treasured friends and cohorts who have held my hand through the questions, the skunk stripe, the severe impatience.  And, I will measure it in those six inches of joyfully silver strands.

One year down and shooting for a pre-New Years completion...
And with that completion, a transitional slideshow.

Sneaky Silvers

It has been awhile since I've been out here touting the benefits of going Grayt.  Its been awhile since I've felt the benefits of going gray.

Don't get me wrong, I'm in LOVE with my new silver locks.  I wouldn't change one strand.

Here is the thing.  Its a long process.  Its much longer than I anticipated.  In my mind it would take a year.  In about 30 days I will reach the 365 days with out color mark.  I still harbor about 3 inches of dried out, old color that I'm not willing to sacrifice because I love my long hair.

Its a long process.

For the last several months I've only been able to focus on the chemically induced, faded, dyed remnants of my former self.  Its all I see.  Take a photo of me and ask me what I see.  My friends say great hair, great smile, you look so darn happy.  I see straw.  Dried out, faded straw ends that need to go.

I won't turn back.  I won't color again.  These are facts deeply ingrained.  I'm on a mission but the mission has hit a block I hadn't prepared to encounter.  I was bored.

I was bored.  Very, very bored.  Until tonight.

Without forethought I nabbed my husband this evening to help me video our adorable chickens.  "Honey, I'll hold the peach and you get it on video!  Catch them going nuts"

My husband caught the chickens eating a peach.  He also caught his wife's sparkly silver hair.  Suddenly I think I can wait another few months.  Suddenly I'm over the hump.  Suddenly I have these cool silver streaks that would cost a fortune in the salon.

Its a process.  Its a long process.  Thankfully its no longer a chemically induced process.

A Ray of Sunshine

As mentioned earlier, the ninth month, for whatever reason, has been the most impatient.  My hair seems boring to me.  My hair doesn't seem to be growing out.  Nothing, in my view, is changing.  Until yesterday.

Yesterday was a beach day with friends.  Friends keenly aware and supportive of my transition.  One commented on my reaching the half-way-there mark.  Really?  I hadn't noticed!  One commented that a female co-worker had made the decision to go gray.  My friend gave her my blog info.  The gesture was a nice boost to my ego.

Then came the big ray of sunshine on my transition slump.  Someone I hadn't seen in several years happened to be at the beach and didn't recognize me at first.  When they did, the comment:  What SEXY hair!!!

Wow!  Someone thought my natural silver hair was SEXY!!!  I wish this glorious feeling on all my lovely Silver Sisters!!!  We should all be told our natural color is the most sexy.

 This photo is not from the beach outing but taken the same day.

Ninth Month Milestone - update

Here it is, the Ninth Month Milestone.  While I could have given birth to a baby in this time frame, it seems I can't quite give birth to a full head of silver locks.

Hey, I've made it this far.  There is NO STOPPING now.

5/16/2012
Addendum to my ninth month milestone.  For most the difficult period seems to be somewhere around month four or five of the transition.  Why, I don't know, but I seemed to sail through those months with a swift tail wind.

For the last two weeks I have have been at level 10 frustration with my hair.  There is zero intent to go back to coloring but I'm feeling SO OVER IT!  This morning I found myself pulling my hair straight up and out from my head to see if I could handle a chop of the old color.  Although I have about 4 inches of out-growth, I know chopping off the old color and going short would be a huge mistake for me.  My hair is just too fine and my patience to thin to spend hours a day styling and I know the end result would never make me happy.

It seems my only current options are to pull the hair back and hide the old color from my vantage point.  Looks like (for at least the next few weeks) I will be sporting a lot of ponies, braids and up-dos.

I've gotta just hang in...

Long Forgotten Thrill of Baby Steps

This week I have entered month 9 of my transition.  Hard to believe I'm this far along.  Hard to believe how much farther I have to go to reach my goal.

The last two weeks or so I've been in a slump of sorts and I didn't know why.  I hate every new picture of myself.  Even after a nice fresh haircut I hate looking in the mirror.  I've been happy with my hair up until now and I sailed through what was to be the difficult months (4 and 5 btw) of the transition period.  Its caused me to reflect back to the beginning.  Why was it so much easier when I started this journey?

This morning it came to me.  Its the baby steps.

A baby's first steps are so miraculous.  One little step is a celebration.  Two little steps amazing.  Walking the length of the coffee table without falling a feat.  The beginning is new, exciting and each step a momentous occasion.  And then eventually, the thrill wears off.  Walking across the floor is the expected, the norm.

The first baby steps of letting go of the color in a box was amazing.  Every we check the hairline.  We check for new growth.  A quarter inch is a feat. The next month we are at 1/2 inch of gray and its a celebration.  Each new quarter inch becomes an amazing, unexpected journey.

And here I am today.  The thrill has worn off.  I still love the new color of my hair but no longer is each quarter inch of growth exciting.  Its expected.  Its expected and its not happening fast enough.  I am growing impatient. Imagine that.  Me, Mrs I want it NOW, impatient.

It will pass.  I know it will.  A new form of baby step thrill will find its way into this journey and I will again embrace it.  But for now I'll just keep plugging along.

The start of month 9

Helping others is no gray area

I am humbled by those willing to go out on a limb, those willing to sacrifice for others.

In roughly one week a courageous, lovely, thoughtful woman is going to shave her head in the name of childhood cancer.  There are not many people willing to go bald for a cause, even a good cause such as this.

When I started this blog it was about being natural, being real, being authentic.  I don't think it gets much more real and authentic than the willingness to shave your head in the name of childhood cancer.

Jean Rabenhorst, my dear, caring cousin, needs all of our support in her effort to raise money and awareness for childhood cancer.  Please, please help in her efforts and make a contribution, whatever size, to St Baldricks - Jean Rabenhorst

Love you Jean!  We are all behind you, girl!